I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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