I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
