She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
