it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's get the cat blown out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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