Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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