Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
