i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
