glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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