Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
