hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
