don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
