Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
