my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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