Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
