you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
