get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
