True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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