I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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