so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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