Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
