my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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