there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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