he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
