I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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