i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
