apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
