There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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