Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
