I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
