I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
