I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
