Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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