very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your penis caused this!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
