Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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