Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
