I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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