You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
