ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
