google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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