I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
