My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
