my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
