Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno