I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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