She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
