God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
