As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
