yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
