Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
