dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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