it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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