You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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