She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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