you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
