I think scott just propositioned me for sex
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
