And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
