You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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