Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
