she woke up with a sticky ear
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
