I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize