Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
