fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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