So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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