Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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