i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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