I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
