Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
